The Vestibule of all Viruses--What you'll need to know

I have come to discover that the germ's playground is masked under many different aliases. Some countries call it the tube, others the metro, and yet another, the underground. It's more properly known (that is if there's anything proper about it) as the subway. No matter what it's called, it's the same thing everywhere--the mainstream of microbes, the burrow of bacteria. Having said this, there is one thing everybody should know before using this unsanitary and unfun underground system--try not to worry. Try not to think. Just go with the flow and be like everybody else and become the animal you will feel like, just for this time. It's the only way come out alive.


The first thing to hit you as you descend the stairs, leaving the real world above and entering the depths of the underground system, is the sudden change in smell. You immediately feel the need to take shallower breaths to avoid as much of the recycled air as possible, intermingled with scents of body odor, some one's old fast food (who would expose their food and then proceed to eat it in this pit of germs, I never was able to figure out), traces of urine maybe?, and who knows what other foreign smells that you'll never be able to discern and that you'll never smell again except in this world of the underground.


The next thing that hits immediately after is the constant rush and feeling of anxiety as you hurriedly try to find your pass while being shoved through by some strange character. You'll pull out your little tiny pass with a sigh of relief and continue to stick it through the machine to let you into the dreary halls. You'll say a littler prayer that your ticket will work like it's supposed to and not be rejected for whatever reason. Despite your hopes, when this happens, not if, but when, you will be stuck between the door contraption that refuses to open for you, a stranger who is trying to get through, and a long line of hurried, impatient people who are yelling out of frustrations and annoyances for you to keep moving, possibly even in another language. Try not to worry. It's the human that would give over to the stress, but it's the animal that survives in this world.


Once you've made it through, you'll feel the need to get to your platform in a big rush, even though you'll most likely have to wait for the train once you get there. Don't ever count on the subway waiting for you as you enter the platform and being able to hop right on, it just doesn't happen. If anything, you will arrive just as you see the doors closing and the back of the train leaving you behind, maybe even carrying half your party along with it as well. Somebody else in your party might get a little upset when this happens. They might mumble something a little less than happy under their breath and be a little cross, regardless of the fact that another train will be coming in approximately two or three minutes time. Rather, the less than human you enjoys the company of strange people of every kind you will be surrounded by that only exist in this part of the world. Meanwhile, your human friends are busy stressing and making sure you are all still with the rest of the group, hoping they aren't the only ones that didn't make it on the subway the first time around.

Once on the train, the animal instinct disregards the thoughts of how many people have shared the same air, and touched the same spot you are, and just pretends like it's normal and not disgusting. Just don't look at the peculiar drips and substances clinging to the walls and windows, and don't think of the mice you are probably sharing the subway with. The animal feels no claustrophobia as you shove your way on, while the sensitive humans try not to get shut in the doors as they close.

Just when you think not another fly could squeeze on, suck it in and get a little more cozy with your eccentric unknown neighbor, because more people will always stuff in despite what you may think. Oh, but be careful of the pickpocket you might also be standing next to as well. When you are slowing down for your stop, you'll wonder how in the world you will shove past all these people to get out, and your human conscience might worry you'll miss your stop because you can't. Relax, somehow, by some magical miracle it works, and with an animal-like push and shove, you'll find your way through and discover yourself back out in the open air with gratitude and forgotten thoughts of any diseases you might or might not have caught through your journey. You'll walk around a while and do what you needed to do, forgetting the horrors you went through just in time for the return trip home to go through it all again, but just relax and give yourself over to that animal within one more time and you will survive just like every other time before.

I can sense your hesitancy, but see? Not to worry, this particular area is under video surveillance.

Try to disregard the bones that curiously look human, and I know it's hard, but do your best to ignore the blood splatter on the window too.